Its a blog

I’m starting to run out of fucks to give about things that are important. Good thing the semester is almost over. Too bad that means I am going to throw myself at Friendly’s full time and still have little-to-no social life.

But, hey, I need the money, right?

Right.

…

Ya.

My relationship with Coffee

is, to me, somewhat strange.

See, I don’t always drink coffee. The only time I drink it is if I am tired and still have things to do. Like, this morning for example. I had to wake up earlier than normal to statistics homework, so I popped an adderall, had a cigarette, and a cup of coffee and got down to work. But, this is where the problem arises. If I have one cup of coffee, as soon as its gone, I will our myself another…and another…and another until either all the coffee is gone or I have to go and can’t take it with me.

Now, combining an adderall and a coffee is like flicking a go switch. You just want to do things. Your not exactly sure what, but you just want to get something done. Add damn near half a pot of coffee into that equation and you just get kinda fidgety and you start making small mistakes in what your doing that add up, cause you end up doing a lot.

Oh well, at least I’m awake and doing things instead of sleeping in until eleven as per usual.

…fuck, I consider eleven to be sleeping in. I guess I’m getting responsible?

Friendly’s is getting waffles.

And we have waffle sundaes.

I love waffles and ice-cream. I am going to love these sundaes. That is, until I have to make a billion of them at work.

Changes

I have changed a lot in the last few years. A lot of it has been for the better. Actually, a great deal of it has been for the better. Seriously, if I were to sit down with little shit me from, say, sophomore year of high school I would hardly be able to identify with that past me on a lot of levels.

But, there is something I lost somewhere along the way that I thought I had gotten back. That is, my ability to trust people. I just can’t do it anymore.

I mean, its not like I think everyone is always up to something. I’m not all paranoid and shit.

Its that kind of trust reserved for close-friends or someone your dating or something like that. Where you know that they will not lie to you, they will not hurt, that they will call you on your bullshit. The kind of trust that allows you to be completely open in both action and word when you are with them.

Somewhere along the way I lost the ability to trust people on that level. I can be almost completely candid with a handful of people. Just, almost though.

The worst part is, I know why its ‘almost’ instead of completely. I have been lied to, betrayed, hurt, and tossed aside by so many people I truly believed I could really trust in the past couple years that I have become some what of cynic when it comes to trust.

But I can hardly complain.

Things are going well for me again.

I am doing the best school that I have done, granted it is QCC.

I have a family that loves and cares for me.

I have enough money to buy the things I want and save for later.

And I have plenty of friends, none of them overly close, but they do make me happy.

It just sucks that only a couple of those friends are the ones I once considered close.

Too worried about my friends, even the ones who I never talk to anymore, to care about my own problems.